You know that by the seventh-grade, boys in particular, are too big for hugs and other public expressions of affection. They’re often too busy displaying a tough outer exterior. But there is one of the seventh-grade boys in the e-learning program I worked with, often defiant and ready to fight, who has on more than one occasion stepped away from that demeanor and walked up to me with arms outstretched. I open my arms to receive him and give him a hug. He lingers there for a moment and then walks away, with a little bit of a bounce in his step.
And there have been others who I was pretty convinced hated me, who have walked up and given me a hug or walked up with outstretched arms.
Monday we only had four students. I think the torrential rains was the cause. However, there was one girl who said a couple of times that she wished the other students would not return. There was the opportunity for a lot of one-on-one and she liked the extra attention.
There is a little boy who lives next door to me. I met him for the first time about four months ago. I had pulled into my garage but for some reason had not closed the garage door. When I got out of the car to walk to the back door to unload groceries, there he was standing in the driveway just beyond the door. He waved and flashed this big grin which displayed where several teeth were missing. He looked adorable. I waved and spoke. He then began talking, so I stepped out of the garage to talk to him. He’s in the first grade. After a short conversation about him and his siblings, he looked at me intently and asked, “May I have a hug?” Although stunned by his request, I did not hesitate but said, “Of course!” and I opened my arms and he rushed into them. Mind you, this was our first meeting. Afterward, he began to show me some tricks he could do, like flips and handstands. We talked a bit longer and then I told him I needed to take my groceries in. He said “Okay”. I thanked him for coming to visit me. As he was about to turn away, he stopped and asked, “Can I have another hug?” We hugged again and then he skipped off.
Later that evening, my doorbell rang. When I went to the door, my new little friend was standing there grinning at me again. As I opened, the door he didn’t say anything but merely extended his arms. I stepped outside and hugged him, tightly. I wanted that hug to last. I wanted it to fill every empty emotional crevice in his short life. I wanted it to push out every hurt. I wanted him to feel unconditional love. I don’t know what happens or doesn’t happen in his household and I’m not making any suppositions. All I know is this child needed attention in the form of hugs and I had many to share.
On other occasions I have gotten out of my car to find him and one of his brothers standing in the open garage door. So, I’ve learned not to close it right away. Often, I’ll find children that I don’t know just standing in my yard or sitting on the sidewalk at my house.
So, I ask you to be sure to hug your children. Don’t leave them wanting for affection or attention. And pay attention to those who aren’t yours who appear to have some sort of emptiness or longing. And if you can’t hug them, speak to them kindly, or at the very least give them a big grin.
Several years ago, I heard a motivational speaker say she needed at least three hugs a day just to keep from being weird. I think we all need hugs. That’s one thing that has been so diabolical and damaging about this season. The separation. We aren’t wired that way, to be apart. Let’s all do our part to lessen the attention deficit disorder.
